Shorts? No, Not Shorts!

I need a pair of elastic-waiste shorts for the day of surgery.   I understand the reasoning for it, how it'll be easier for dressing changes, but shorts?  Me?  I never, ever wear shorts.  I don't wear them inside, and I don't wear them outside, even if I have to carry a bucket with me to catch the sweat as it rolls off my forehead.  But I will be a good girl and bring a pair of shorts to the hospital.  I might even wear them.  But then again, I might just look at the nurse and say, "You're not the boss of me, and you can't make me!"

The Butt Exercise

One of my exercises is called "Gluteal Sets -- (Fanny Tighteners)."  The description says to "Squeeze bottom together. Do NOT hold breath. Repeat 30 times."  Here all this time I thought that part of my anatomy was called buttocks.  I guess fanny and bottom are medical terms.  *wink, wink*  Hubby says by the time I'm finished I'll have buns of steel.  I'm really looking forward to that, since right now my buns are more like bread dough.

The Fun Begins

So it turns out I don't just have a sprain or non-tracking kneecap.  I have osteoarthritis in my left knee, and it's bone on bone.  Geez, no wonder it hurts so much!  The family practice doc took an xray and referred me to an orthopedist.  As my hubby said, the doc was a "pretty boy."  I have to agree.  He was a very nice-looking doc.  And he was nice, too.  He said a shot might help for a short while, but the drawback to a shot is that after one gets a shot, it's a six-week wait before a total knee replacement can be done.  So I opted for the total knee replacement.   I have a month to prepare, and believe me, there are preparations to be made.  Who knew getting my new knee would be so involved? 

I received a 3-ring binder with just about all the information a person would ever need to know about getting a new knee.  First of all, a person needs to call the insurance company to get pre-certified.  Of course!  We are ruled by our health insurance companies.  The insurance representative thought he was cute and said I should tell my husband to stop kicking me in the knee.  Ha, ha. 

There's a two-hour class at the hospital to fill me in on even more information than I have in my 3-ring binder.  I'll even get a tour of the unit where I'll be staying for 2-3 nights.  I'm told I'll have a private room.  That's great.  I just hope I'm not in too much pain post-op to enjoy it.

I have strengthening exercises to do pre-op, and they are grueling.  I mean, they are really, really grueling.  Well, okay, maybe it's just me, but doing 30 repetitions of any exercise with a knee that hurts like hell is grueling.  And doing 30 repetitions of 10 or so exercises with a knee that hurts like hell, well, thank goodness I still have some vicodin left.  Reading though my info, I see that these exercises are mild compared to the exercises I'll have to do after my surgery.  Ow!

We have to arrange things in the house before I come home after surgery, and it will be a challenge with 8 stairs between the kitchen/dining room/front entrance and the level I spend most of my time on.  One of my main concerns is being able to let Minnie outside if I'm home alone and not navigating stairs well.  Minnie is sweet, and she's my pal, but she's still a dog, and I can't very well tell her to just "hold it until 'Dad' gets home."  I guess I'll just have to cross that canine bridge when I come to it.